JULIANA BRANDON
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My thoughts and theories on art, music, and spirituality

A Fundraiser With Cool Perks!

1/11/2022

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Over the years I've done a lot of fundraising for other groups and individuals, mainly putting on Seattle Bach Choir's annual fundraiser, Bachtoberfest, for 13 years. Now I've reached a rough patch and need to have a fundraiser for myself. It's always embarrassing for me to admit I need help, so this is hard for me, but the good news is that I can see a light at the end of the tunnel if I can simply ask for assistance.

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I've been trying to make a go as a full time professional artist since September of 2020, and I've been able to survive this long, but it's been a tough run and soon I will likely need to get a regular job, and a virtual one so I can keep my dad and myself safe from COVID. To be honest I don't have a lot of marketable skills. For decades I've worked in food service, but now my body is telling me that it can no longer stand for eight hours a day, plus the virus is spreading faster than it ever has before. I don't know how to code, I have a phone phobia, and even the technology of my trade is still beyond me. If I knew how to use Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator I could find a lot more virtual work in my field, but at the moment I am still a very analog artist.

But I've found something that can give me proper training not only in the technology but also in a field that can help sustain me as an artist.

I am hoping to raise the money to enroll in Bonnie Christine's eight week surface pattern design  immersion course which starts on February 28. Surface pattern design is the design of whatever you might find printed on a surface, especially repeating patterns like you see every day on wallpaper and fabric. This course is fully online and teaches not only how to create repeating patterns but also how to reach out to potential clients and negotiate contracts for art licensing. I applied for a scholarship, but only eight people will be chosen out of thousands. I should know if I've been chosen on January 25, and will certainly let you all know too.
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There are opportunities in getting art licensed for use on a wide variety of products: everything from stationary to packaging, fabric, bedding, wallpaper, coffee mugs, and more. My work relies heavily on patterned paper, both as a drawing background and as collage, but these are the patterns of others, either used with a commercial license or simply found vintage and antique papers, but I can take my art career to a whole new level if I could create my own repeating patterns and license them. I can finally see my own artistic visions working in tandem with a viable income stream. Imagine if I could use my own patterns as backgrounds, in collage, and even as image transfers in my shadow puppets!

Of course it would be best if I could raise money not just for tuition but also for living expenses while I'm taking the course so it can be a true immersion experience. Here's a budget breakdown:
  • $1297 for tuition
  • $200 for a year long subscription for Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop
  • $4500 for living expenses while I take the course and create a portfolio of licensable work
And of course there are some very fun perks in it for you if you wish to donate!
  • $5 - $49 gets you a personalized shadow puppet thank you video
  • $50 - $99 gets you a velvet giclee signed art print of the owls shown below, and a personalized puppet thank you
  • $100 - $499 gets you an original piece of my art of as close to an equivalent value as I have in stock and a personalized puppet thank you
  • $500 and up gets you the same as the $100 level plus a yard of fabric from Spoonflower with one of my repeating patterns on it, but you will have to wait until I take this course so I can learn how to make repeating patterns.
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This fundraiser will take place mainly through IndiGoGo, but if you don't want to sign up with them or use that platform I can also accept donations through PayPal or Venmo or in other ways. Feel free to contact me for alternative ways of donating (rotarybear@gmail.com). And I need to say that I am not a nonprofit organization, so your donation is not tax deductible, but you can still get some cool rewards for supporting me. You can also become a monthly Patreon donor if you want to continue your support of my artistic endeavors. Of course purchasing anything from my online store would help me too!
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If I raise more than my goal the money will go toward other artistic projects such as:
  • An April art show of drawings on pattern collage with an accompanying book that I call BirdCore Two
  • The continuation of the Kurt Weill Project with Joe Mabel. Our February show had to be cancelled due to COVID, but we do hope to play in public someday soon
  • A shadow puppet collaboration with Seattle Bach Choir where I'm creating puppets for three of Bach's motets to be performed with live choral singing in March of 2023
  • A drawing series converting Bach's Well Tempered Clavier into color to create visual maps of his harmonic structures
  • Many, many solo puppet shows
  • Schubert tarot cards, and the continuation of a book series exploring his song cycles and inspired tangential philosophies through meditation
I'm hopeful and excited about the viability of art licensing as a supportive income stream for my creations, but I need help to get pulled up enough to make this happen. Thank you so much for your generosity!
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BirdCore!

11/26/2021

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It all started with a meditation with my higher self. She told me that without a core we are all just tools for capitalism. You may have gathered that my soul and I aren’t big fans of capitalism, but unfortunately we need to use it to survive. Without a core we have nothing to give from, nothing to create from. She used not just an apple without a core to illustrate this, but also a sunflower. A sunflower is all core, all center, virtually all seed. Everything blossoms from this center. When we are centered in ourselves we can create, give, and help others because we feel fulfilled.
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Images from my meditations as depicted in my book of mirrors. Learn more about the book of mirrors tradition here.

Back in the summer of 2020 I created a couple of bird drawings based on this concept that set me on a new path. One I call Warbler in the Void, which became the logo for Birds for Brains, and one I call Owl Core. It is this latter piece that became the jumping off point for the current drawing/collage series that I call BirdCore. I was finally realizing and embracing who I am as a symbolist artist.
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Warbler in the Void, colored pencil on paper 2020
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Owl Core, colored pencil on paper 2020
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Distracted Lark, colored pencil on decorative paper collage 2020
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War Pigeon, colored pencil and watercolor on panel 2021
That summer also saw me expanding my use of decorative drawing backgrounds to include collage, and the summer of 2021 had me learning a little bit of botanical drawing via Wendy Hollender's books, mainly apples and pears. I had already been drawing lots of birds, so I thought to combine these elements.

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Golden Crowned Sparrow, colored pencil on decorative paper collage. My goal is to attach this to panel this week. 2021
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Two White Crowned Sparrows, colored pencil on decorative paper collage, hopefully also to be attached to panel. 2021
Apples and birds are highly symbolic. Apples tend to symbolize some kind of knowledge, but also fertility/creativity/sexuality. Birds often stand in for the soul itself. What these pieces stand for is simply the prayer for something to fill us, the need to have a core, the longing for our own soul to make itself known in our hearts. Without understanding and feeling deeply committed to what is most important to us we become susceptible to the whims of others, to becoming corporate shills, to abuse. When we are not filled with our own purpose we become tools for whoever wants to use us for good or ill.  
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Two Crows: colored pencil on decorative paper collage, 2021

Accompanying this art series will be a couple of books. The one available in December will be a small self printed booklet featuring all of the drawings with a set of short poems. I have another story written that needs illustrations, but I’ve barely started on these pieces, so this book will have to come out later. I can clearly see that BirdCore will be inspiring me into 2022.
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A lark with a pear and a couple of moths. My dad looked at this and saw the bird as a squirrel with the beak as an ear. It was a cool unintentional trick of the eye on my part. Colored pencil on decorative paper collage, 2021
If you would like to see the show live and in person I will be displaying it outdoors beneath a tent on December 4 and 5 with two other wonderful artists (Janet Fagan and S. Jordan Lee) in the Bryant neighborhood of Seattle (5547 38th Ave NE), and in my dad’s carport in Ballard on December 12 from 10-3 (7035 26th Ave NW). I will also have greeting cards, jewelry, prints, and my self published books for sale for all your holiday needs. There may also be free cookies or popcorn depending on which show you attend.
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All works from BirdCore will be listed for sale in my online store soon. If you would like to support this ongoing series feel free to become a patron via Patreon. All monthly payments as a patron count as installments on an original drawing from me to be received one year after your patronage begins. I won’t be offering this particular perk forever, so become a patron today!
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Kurt Weill and shadow puppetry, then and now

10/14/2021

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For me the most exciting part of the Weill Project has been the opportunity to design placards. In a former post I said a little bit about what placards are and how they were used. For the Weill Project shows these will be 22 x 28 inch posters displayed onstage to announce each song before we perform it. Right now we are aiming for a total of 15 songs, so the design work has been divided between me and Yvette Endrijautzki, an amazing artist now based in Wuppertal, Germany, though she used to have a gallery in Georgetown here in Seattle. You can follow her on Instagram to see her placards and her process in making them.
As I’m the art director for this project I had to decide if I wanted to take on all of the placards or just a portion of them. Joe Mabel and I agreed that “angry” isn’t a typical flavor of my artistic style, and some of these songs are very angry, so at Joe’s suggestion we included Yvette to work on these, plus a few more!
We each have very different styles, and yet we are both very controlled and precise artists. The main element tying our styles together is the font, since each placard must include the song title. Yvette is taking inspiration from Weimar era art while I’m using a technique I’ve just always wanted to try.
Picturea 1920s papercut by Eva Schonberg, also active in Berlin. Click on this image to learn more about active Scherenschnitte artists in the 19th and early 20th century.
Scherenschnitte, or cutting paper with scissors, is an old German and Swiss art form originating around the 17th century. The height of Scherenschnitte’s popularity coincided with the popularity in Europe of shadow puppets, which were called ombres chinoises, that’s French for “Chinese shadows," because European shadow puppetry was inspired by Chinese shadow puppets. You can read a history of puppetry in Germany here. Since I’m a shadow puppeteer I have also wanted to make more permanent art from cut black paper. Here was my opportunity to do so!

​Scherenschnitte was already an old art form in the 1920s, and a popular one, so popular that the handmade aspect of the art was beginning to be replaced by machine made replicas. In the face of such commercialization of the art form there were a few souls devoted to keeping it alive (Eva Schonberg for one) and even stretching its boundaries. Perhaps the most famous Scherenschnitterin (that’s a lady paper cutter for you English speakers) was active in Berlin in the 1920s. Her name was Lotte Reiniger, and she is considered to have pioneered feature film animation with her Adventures of Prince Achmed in 1926, that’s a full 11 years before Disney’s Snow White. Reiniger’s husband and chief collaborator was a film director named Carl Koch, Koch and Reiniger met Brecht some time between 1923 and 1926, and it appears they made Kurt Weill’s acquaintance around the same time as the release of Prince Achmed.

PictureAn image from Orbis Pictus, often considered to be the first illustrated children's book. Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Koch was approached by Weill and Bertolt Brecht in 1927 to work on a piece called Ruhrepos, a sort of musical landscape spectacle commissioned by the city of Essen. In Brecht’s words, “The Ruhrepos should be a document of contemporary history along the lines of the Orbis Pictus of the seventeenth century, reflecting this century’s view of the world in simple pictures. Songs are written and composed to elucidate large placards, depicting mines, types of people, etc. Slides and film projections show the actual documents that are treated by the poetry and the music.” Given such a collaboration I can only wonder if Reiniger would also have been called upon to help design these placards, but the project was not to be as Essen couldn’t get the funding together. However, in the following year the association between Weill and Koch becomes more of a Weill Reiniger collaboration.

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Lotte Reiniger at work arranging her cutouts. Carl Koch is on the ladder operating the camera. Also pictured are her assistants, Walter Turck (upper level animation table) and Alexander Kardan (below). Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
PictureFilm still from Dr. Dolittle
In 1928 Lotte Reiniger created her second feature length shadow puppet film called Dr. Dolittle and his Animals. The composer Paul Dessau was in charge of the score. In addition to his own compositions for the film he also included pieces by Paul Hindemith, Igor Stravinsky, and possibly Kurt Weill. There are tantalizing clues all over the internet about Weill's involvement with this film, but it's hard to pinpoint exactly what that involvement was. There is some implication that he wrote a new score for one part, likely the part called Affenbrücke, or Monkey Bridge, as seen in the image here. Unfortunately the only version of this film available includes new music. Any original scores appear to have been lost. This film was originally supposed to be animated in six parts, but only the first three were ever completed, amounting to 25 minutes of total film. Talking pictures were becoming popular around the time of its release, so Dolittle was a flop in spite of the rave reviews, and funding was withdrawn for the continuation of the project.

Since Reiniger and Koch were good friends with Brecht, Koch was allowed to film parts of the premiere of Threepenny Opera. Brecht had some stills taken from this film that are now the only surviving photographs of the premiere. Reiniger made papercuts of Threepenny from memory afterwards, apparently altering the ending slightly to be more aligned with Brecht's original vision. These papercuts were included in a newspaper article as well as in the Theater am Schiffbauerdamm during Threepenny's run.

As a side note, Carl Koch nearly collaborated with Weill again in 1933, this time with Jean Renoir who wanted to direct a musical comedy based on Octave Mirbeau’s novel Diary of a Chamber Maid. This project also didn’t happen, though Renoir did turn this into a movie in 1946.
That was all some back story to introduce my placards for the Weill Project. Here I’m sharing five of them with you, but you’ll have to wait until the show to see the other two. Each of these has a background painted with watercolors before cut paper is glued down over it. I made these on mixed media paper measuring 11 x 14 inches, so they will have to be blown up to twice their original size once the placards are made. I also didn’t put text on them, but will do so digitally later.

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Speak Low: The first placard I made shows a couple enmeshed by the rays of the dying sun. I thought this fitting for a song about the devastating effects of time passing. As an aside, I learned there’s a name for this particular phobia: chronophobia. I’ve personally been struggling with it ever since my mother died a couple years ago. As a singer I’ve been approaching this song purely aesthetically, but now that I have a better understanding of the link between this song and my own chronic anxiety around time I can hopefully bring more emotion to it. Cutting all those little circles was also really hard, and I probably won't do much of that again. This is cut from a single piece of paper.

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Berlin im Licht: This song was written for a big festival sponsored by the gas and electric company of Berlin in 1928, sort of the forerunner to the Berlin in Lights festival today. I took key landmarks of Berlin’s skyline and cut them out along with their reflections in the river. Light bulb balloons hover about. This skyline includes landmarks that were extant in Weill's time as well as more modern buildings and features.

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Youkali: I was excited to figure out a technique for rendering brightly colored lights in watercolor over a blue watercolor background. Thank you, Golden Acrylic absorbent ground! The viewer is in the position of a voyeur, viewing the fabled fairy island of Youkali surreptitiously through palm fronds. Cutting out these palm leaves was really fun, but positioning them artfully was a challenge.

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Complainte de la Seine: This is one of my favorite Weill songs, an incredibly beautiful but dark piece about the rusty boats, jewels, broken hearts, and body parts that are lost in the river Seine. I wanted to honor this aesthetic by creating the most beautiful bruise colored sky I could. If you look closely you can see a skull: the clouds are eyes, the tip of the Seine a nose, and the posts on the bridge are teeth. This is cut from a single piece of paper.

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Foolish Heart: This song comes from One Touch of Venus (as does Speak Low,) a story in which a statue of Venus comes to life and wreaks havoc: falling in love with an engaged barber while stirring up the passions of the art collector who bought her statue to begin with. This song is all about the ensuing love triangle. Though technically Venus is Roman, she originated in Greece, so I took my inspiration from Greek amphorae. This placard depicts a broken heart amphora filled in with the various love interests all facing in the direction of their affections. The poor barber’s fiancée stands outside the triangle wondering what the heck happened, while Mount Olympus, Venus’ home, looms in the lower right. This is cut from a single piece of paper.

Follow my blog here, as well as the official Weill Project blog, for future updates on the project. If you would like to support the project the best way is to actually support me. For a limited time a monthly donation via Patreon will get you a piece of my original artwork. Become a patron now and receive a new piece yearly as long as your patronage lasts.
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What on earth have I been doing?

9/14/2021

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It's been a few months! In case you're wondering, here's a rundown of what I've been up to
PictureExcited for my new bathroom!
House Remodel: my dad's house is getting a major remodel, and I will be moving back in soon, but in the meantime he and I have been shuffled about. I call it the Brandon Diaspora. Luckily house sitting has exploded for me, thanks to the vaccinated desperately wanting to escape their homes. I'm hoping to move into my new home by October 1. I've been painting, dusting, packing, and organizing things endlessly for the past several months.

PicturePlacard for Berlin im Licht, papercut on watercolor background
Weill Project: Joe Mabel and I have been rehearsing twice a week since May with lots of other work going into recording videos, doing research, writing blog posts, and creating placards. You can follow us via our website, and read the blog series I've been writing about the life of Lotte Lenya - Installment One and Installment Two

PictureNew CD!
New ZERO Album: In the spring I recorded a couple of tracks for Zappa Early Renaissance Orchestra's fifth studio release, Make an Arf Noise Here, due to come out very soon on Cordelia Records. One of the tracks was also turned into a video by Kevin Crosby for inclusion in this year's virtual Zappanale, and the other is included on Would You Like a Snack, a compilation album of choice cuts from 200 Motels.

Picture"He sings of mystery" pen and ink on paper
Minstrel from the Island of the Moon: I illustrated a 1920s epic poem by Ottys Sanders using pen and ink. This book will be designed and hand crafted by Peter Nelson-King and available for purchase in a limited run in November.

PictureI love drawing pears and apples with colored pencil! This may spill over into my next drawing series.
Dabbling with botanical illustration: going through Wendy Hollender's instructional books to learn new techniques. I'm quite excited about where this could lead!

​Coping as best I can: Like most of us, the pandemic, climate change, late stage capitalism, and changes in my career and family dynamic have all added up to be a lot to deal with just by themselves. As is my wont, I've been reading a lot of self-help books, mainly on creating routines and confidence for creatives. Some of this is actually in preparation for my own book series. More about this below. 

Future Projects I'm hopeful about:​
  • Puppet collaboration with Seattle Bach Choir: This won't be for a while, but hopefully in March of 2023 Seattle Bach Choir will perform three of J.S. Bach's motets and I will create shadow puppets for them in a live performance. This will require thinking bigger than I've ever done.
  • Shadow Bachs: Shadow puppet shows for all nine of Bach's solo soprano cantatas for me to sing as I puppeteer. I created the first one a few years ago. You can see the whole thing here.
  • Three or four Faure songs with shadow puppets: I was excited to be booked as part of a variety show scheduled for October that has now been postponed due to Covid. When it does happen I hope to present this as a new piece under ten minutes long.
  • Children’s book about a reincarnating tulip: Not sure yet what medium I will use for the illustrations, and originally I thought this might be a puppet show. This is pretty far on the back burner.
  • Schubert tarot cards: He wrote a song for all themes and feelings, so there's gotta be one for each card, right? I love the idea of imagery, poetry, music, and the tradition of tarot coming together to create layers of meaning for your divination purposes.
  • Schubert novel series: I originally wanted to expand upon my Winterreise book (Winter From Above) but realized that Franz just talks a lot in my meditations and needs more than just one book. The next one has a working title of Your Art is not Dessert full of his artistic advice. That's why I'm reading so many self-help books geared toward artists.
  • Bird Core: This will likely be the theme for my holiday art series. Apples and pears missing their core, where a bird comes to make its new home for a while. It's a series about feeling empty inside when a miracle suddenly makes you feel whole and important for a while
  • Children’s book based on You are Worthy: I've had requests from a few people to expand upon the stories implied in the drawings, but I haven't yet been able to properly scan the drawings since they're oversized and include metallic ink. Hopefully I can get this figured out. You can also read the blog series on You are Worthy here.
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Owl Core! The drawing I made a year ago that started the concept of Birdcore. birdcore! is also an album by the amazing J pop solo artist Kotringo, who is almost more classical than pop. Go listen now!
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War Pigeon! My latest Birdcore drawing (colored pencil and watercolor on panel treated with absorbent ground) you can see studying botanical drawing has helped.

You can support me in all of these endeavors with a monthly donation via Patreon! Or via PayPal at the bottom of my homepage 
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Currently your monthly Patreon donation counts as an installment on an original piece of my artwork to be delivered at the end of your first year of patronage. This may change, but if you sign up now you will always get this deal!

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What I see when I close my eyes

4/14/2021

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I see lots of strange things behind my eyes, but I rarely take the time to draw them. This is changing now. I wouldn’t call this a drawing series as I’m going to keep doing this for the sake of inspiration, but I have a feeling most of these sketches will remain just sketches. Once a week I will look through them and see which ones are deserving of being fleshed out into complete works. For now I will be posting each day’s sketch on social media, and you are encouraged to comment with what each image evokes for you. I don’t always know what these images mean or represent, they literally just flash behind my eyes.
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What I find cool about these images is that they look so different from what I consider to be my usual style and content. Many of them are abstract, and I rarely create abstract art. Some are completely mundane, like Warholian mundane, and I don’t usually draw bags of cheese and the like. I’m finding this to be a fun way to broaden my horizons, and a fun way to engage my fans. If you would like to check it out and see what stories these sketches tell you follow me on Facebook or Instagram or follow the hashtag #whatiseewheniclosemyeyes
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Maybe you would like to play along. I would love to see what you see when you close your eyes too. Lots of people have a light show or a movie playing in their head throughout the day that they are barely aware of, even when they close their eyes. This is also why I meditate, to watch these images expand and listen to them divulge their meaning. ​
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This exercise has also helped me narrow down who I am as an artist, which may sound somewhat contradictory. I am a symbolist, a designation that has nothing to do with style. I use symbolism in every art form I practice, though it’s probably the most striking in my puppetry simply because symbolist puppetry is pretty rare. I like to tell stories through my art as well, but all of these stories contain an abundance of symbolism.
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A big part of my attraction to symbols has to do with my spirituality. The Universe (or God if you prefer) speaks to us through symbols, as do our spirit guides and our own subconscious. At least that’s how I see it. Some call it “dream speak,” and I love this term. I think Spirit speaks to us through symbols because it’s just so expedient. So much can be said in an instant with a symbol, and when you don’t have a body it takes a lot of effort to communicate to those who do have bodies. I hear it said that spirits experience talking to us kind of like yelling through a body of water, and we hear them in the same distorted way, so every nugget of wisdom must be delivered in the tightest package possible, hence symbolism. I also find that the best symbols my spirit guide gives me also serve as double or triple metaphors. This same economy of communication is a key component in art as well. All artists strive for the most punch with the least amount of explanation. The primary rule for art across all disciplines should be “keep it tight!”
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I’ll post soon about why and how I meditate, as this question does seem to come up with some frequency. For now I’m excited to tell you what I intend to do with all these #whatiseewheniclosemyeyes sketches. I’m going to create a set of oracle cards incorporating the best of them! This could take a long time, but if I decide upon one each week to flesh out then I should have all the cards decided in one year. You may not know what oracle cards are. Essentially they are like tarot, but much easier to decipher as they don’t come with a specific tradition or with predetermined suits and symbols. The number of cards, symbolism, method of interpretation, instructions for use, and much more are all up to the creator of a deck of oracle cards. Of course the person using the cards adds their own interpretation to the cards as well and may also find their own way of using them. I’ve had a lot of mind blowing moments from the oracle cards I’ve used and would love to return the favor. My favorite deck is Healing with the Angels by Doreen Virtue in case you were wondering.
Do you use oracle decks and what’s your favorite? Let me know in the comments.
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Art that changed my world - 3 stories

4/1/2021

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Today I saw a prompt on Facebook: “Tell me about a work of art that changed your world view.” This made me think hard, and I realized there are many! I thought I would devote this post to three of them.
Story number 1

This story is not about a specific work of art, but about one element found specifically in Buddhist art. Back in 1999 I was taking a class in Indian art at the University of Washington, and I was also brewing chai at Morning Glory Chai. In fact the whole reason I took this class was because there were so many depictions of Indian gods and goddesses around the chai house that I wanted to know more about them. In one class the teacher was talking about the ushnisha on the Buddha’s head. The ushnisha is often defined as Buddha’s topknot, and it is a representation of the wisdom that leads to enlightenment, but it is is a symbol with many other possible meanings. There’s an interesting article about the origin and meaning here. In Southeast Asia there was frequently a flame found on top of the topknot, and many old statues even have holes in the topknot where a flame, either of wood or metal, would have been attached as a separate piece. Sometimes the flame is represented by a jewel.
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For the past thirty years I have pulled out my hair. It started when I had chicken pox back when I was ten, and pulling my hair out was the only way to scratch the chicken pock on the top of my head. Trichotillomania has been a defining feature of my life as the bald spot on my head grew from being the size of a quarter to taking up most of my head now. Back in 1999 I was still able to cover it with my own hair worn in a bun. My mother, being a devotee of all things mystical, said that she thought it was a physical manifestation of overactivity in my crown chakra. I hadn’t yet dived into learning about the chakra system yet when I learned of the ushnisha, but I was fascinated that there was iconography for what I perceived on a personal level as the buzzing and itching I feel on the top of my head.
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Gandharan era Buddha sculptures from India. Note the topknot without flame.

​After learning about
the ushnisha I went to work, thinking about it on the bus all the way there. When I was brewing chai one of the kettles boiled over and doused the flame beneath it, a common occurrence. We used gas stoves, each with a 25 gallon pot of water sitting on top. I was also a dumbass who knew nothing about gas safety, so I turned the gas on full bore and bent down to light the fire at eye level. A huge fireball exploded into my face!
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Note the flame on this Thai Buddha's head

​I had counted death by fire as one of my biggest fears up to this point, so I was
surprised by my own response to this situation. As I watched the fireball roar toward my face my thought was very nonchalant, “I’m going to die and that’s a shame. My parents will be so sad. Oh well.” That was literally it. To my amazement I didn’t die, and stood up in one piece. I wasn’t exactly overjoyed that I was still alive, and that too struck me. Apparently life and death were to me states that weren’t too different from one another. However, when I stood up my coworker who was washing bottles beside me screamed, “Your hair’s on fire!” and threw her glass of water over the top of my head. Yup, it was the very top of my head that had caught fire, right where the Buddha’s ushnisha would be found.
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A 12th century Tibetan Buddha statue with a rare flame ushnisha
I was profoundly shaken by the event, though not hurt, but I also marvelled at the synchronicity and personal relevance of this. I like to say that “coincidence is the language of magic.” At the time I had no idea what this could mean. I knew that I was meant to go on living, and I felt I had gained wisdom through this experience, not only of gas safety, but that on a deep level I was not afraid of death.
Story number 2​

I went to the Monet exhibit in Portland, OR around the same time. This exhibit was extra special because it included some of Monet’s biggest canvases, very rarely seen in the United States.
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Claude Monet: Japanese Bridge 8
I stood in front of a huge painting of waterlilies around a bridge, straining my eyes to see what exactly was being depicted. The card on the wall mentioned that Monet was struggling with his eyesight at the time, so I figured I would try to see it the way he did. I stood back and took off my glasses. Without my glasses I’m so blind I can’t recognize faces two feet in front of me, but this was exactly the right point of view for these paintings! Now the waterlilies were obvious, the bridge was clearly a bridge, and the whole composition made sense. Best of all, I now felt that my nearsightedness was actually a superpower. All I had to do was take my glasses off to see the world like one of the greatest painters? I felt bad for all the people around me with perfect eyesight. Having two modes of physical sight is pretty awesome.
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Monet also had cataract surgery which may have given his vision a reddish hue from then on, possibly affecting his later paintings as well.

​I also remembered that Seinfeld episode where George’s dad had a theory that all the impressionists were actually just nearsighted, and I felt he was probably right.
Story number 3​

This only happened a couple of years ago. I had been on a huge Schubert kick, and still am, taking the time to listen to all of his songs and organize them into playlists by subject. It’s odd, but sometimes one will just hit me out of nowhere with an emotional intensity that’s hard to bear, even if I had listened to it many times before with no emotional response at all. I had heard Nacht und Träume (that’s Night and Dreams in English) many times over the years, but my mind just seemed to not register it. I made a playlist on my Ipod of all of Schubert’s songs about the night – or the moon, stars, and constellations, so of course this song was included. Then one day I stood in the rain listening to this playlist for about the tenth time as I waited for the bus in downtown Seattle.

​Nacht und Tr
äume came on and the world became liquid. The song finally worked its magic on me as I saw every person as soluble, their edges blurring, becoming one with the rain. The only permanence anyone seemed to have in the face of this music was that of their deepest dreams and disappointments...insofar as those even have any permanence.
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This stock photo captures the moment pretty well

​I got on the bus and put the song on repeat, curled up and crying in my seat hoping the person sitting next to me didn’t notice. Seriously, what the heck was wrong with me? We passed over the West Seattle Bridge. I stared through the raindrops on the window as the streetlights passed by in a gliding,
continuous rhythm, perfectly matching the measures of the music. The mundane world felt heartbreakingly beautiful on this bus ride. Night and dreams, rain and tears, beauty and pain. All humanity became one with me, our pain and our hopes being the same, running and mingling into one another like raindrops on a bus window.

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Happy Birthday, Kurt Weill!

3/2/2021

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Looks like Kurt Weill and my dad share a birthday (along with Jon Bon Jovi and Elmer Fudd). I consider this to be an auspicious sign as I am in the beginning stages of joining my friend, Joe Mabel, in an extended Kurt Weill project. Joe Mabel is well known around Seattle as being a local historian, photographer, and software developer, but you may not know that he is also a kick ass guitar player! Heck, I didn't know either until he asked me to be a part of this project. ​

We got a chance to rehearse Youkali Tango together and it sounds really great on guitar, so I'm excited to hear how the rest of our set list sounds as well. It turns out that Kurt Weill's music is rarely played on guitar, at least in the classical sense. There are certainly plenty of bands that play his music, but in the classical world it is all performed on piano or with orchestra.
PictureView from the stage at The Chapel inside Good Shepherd Center
Our first official show isn't scheduled until February 19, 2022 (at The Chapel in Wallingford, Seattle) due to the pandemic, which we are hopeful will be much mitigated by then, but then we will be ready to invade your house party with Weill music. We have hopes for recording an album as well, and perhaps touring widely if all goes well.

PicturePlacards in use!
I happen to be the art director for this project as well, and am deep in the process of designing a logo. We will be presenting each song with a large placard on the stage, in Epic Theater fashion, but there are far too many songs for me to design all of these - and my style doesn't exactly lend itself well to the angry tones of many of these songs. Joe is also a very talented visual artist who will be helping with this, but we also enlisted internationally known artist Yvette Endrijautzki to design several of these placards. She is perhaps best known for her Farrago Spiritum tarot card deck which she designed with Raven Zingaro, but also owns Nautilus Studio and gallery in Wuppertal, Germany.

PictureMore logo concepts and sketches
Joe is already writing up articles on the link between John Cale and Kurt Weill, and I will likely have more to add as well. There will be a big academic side to our project, but on the whole Kurt Weill's music is pretty new to me. Mack the Knife was the official Ballard High School literary club anthem back when I and my friend, Sara Girganoff, founded it, though the anthem was her idea and I never even learned all the words. Weill is an artist whose music exists in a liminal space - not quite classical and not quite pop. This makes him the go to composer for opera singers who want to sing something poppy, and for bands who want to do something classical.

For the record, one of my biggest pet peeves is when opera singers try to sing pop. It almost always sounds stilted and laughably pretentious. I say this as an operatic pop singer myself (see me singing 99 Luftballoons with Operadisiac above), but my approach is very different. I take on pop music and exaggerate its operatic possibilities for comedic effect. I know I'll be laughed at for singing pop music anyway, so why not own that and play it up? This is making the Weill Project challenging for me since I need to find a way to sing some of his poppier stuff in a way that still sounds authentic when a comedic take is not desirable. Does that mean leaving out the vibrato? Using more chest voice? More swing? Something else? I don't think I'll be able to figure out a formula for it, because if I did I would be just as bad as all those other stilted popera singers.
PictureAw, Kurt Weill as a youngster!
At the same time, I am finding the classical, romantic even, sensibility in Weill really beautiful and moving. There is a lot there reminiscent of classical German art song and operetta, sweet dashes of Schubert and Lehár. 

​I'll have a lot more to say about Weill's music in the future, but for now join me in wishing him a happy 121st birthday!

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Happy Birthday, Schubert!

1/31/2021

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Julia gawked in awe at the vaulted ceilings above her. She was both in a church and not in a church. The stairway before her wound around ancient sculptures stately in their arches, yet the room opened up into a very cozy space dominated by a nineteenth century grand piano. Julia was traveling with The Seattle Bach Choir, who had come up the stairs with her, but in this room she stood facing them all by herself. Her nerves were mounting. Julia felt her mouth dry out, her heart beat like a hummingbird. Usually choir performances felt very comfortable to her, but at this moment the performance would be all hers.

PictureHerr Joseph Spaun, Schubert's friend in a portrait painted sometime after his marriage to Franziska Roner Edle von Ehrenwert. Schubert played at their wedding in April 1828, but died that November, so he never did get to see his friend rise up in social standing. His son became a baron.
In preparation for their tour of Prague, Salzburg, and Vienna the choir’s director, Dr. Greg Vancil, had made a very special request of Julia. He had a friend near Salzburg and wanted the choir to visit, but there wasn’t enough room in his summer house for the whole choir to sing in any organized way. Greg suggested that Julia sing a solo instead, but not just any solo, a Schubert song. This friend of Dr. Vancil’s was none other than the descendant of Schubert’s best friend, Joseph Spaun. The current day Spauns continue to take their legacy of support for young musicians quite seriously. It was in this capacity that Dr. Vancil had met them, so he wanted to give back in some way, even if only musically. He handed Julia several songs to choose from, some deceptively simple, some well known, some obscure. One in particular stood out to her. It was a mock serious aria summarized by the idea “Why don’t you ever write to me anymore?” which Schubert had composed and sent to his friend in a fit of exuberant melancholy. The music was some of the most vocally complex Schubert ever wrote, serious music with a silly theme. As a soprano with her own operatic burlesque troupe this piece made perfect sense to Julia and she vowed to learn it, with hopes to strip to it on stage at some point in the future.

PictureMy "face in a hole board" for Erlkönig
Julia knew very little about Franz Schubert, only that she liked the few of his songs that she had heard, and that he had written a song to suit every mood no matter how one was feeling. A few years earlier Julia had sung Gretchen am Spinnrade to express her obsessive love for a friend of hers. For her burlesque troupe she had adopted Erlkönig to a “face in a hole board” with one hole for each character; Frühlingsglaube for a sexy chicken laying eggs; and Die Forelle for a stripping trout bouncing about in a too-tight fish tail skirt. However, despite the silly text, the looming performance felt quite serious to her.

The Spaun’s summer home was a converted 15th century church, purchased by Schubert’s friend shortly after his marriage. Julia thought everyone must be able to hear her heart pounding as the choir climbed the stairs toward the living room. She attempted a deep breath, and a strange feeling cut through her nerves, a very intense one of love and gratitude and nostalgia, strange because the feeling was not her own.
 “My friend has done so well for himself!”​

The words stood out in her mind with a feeling of joy that brought a lump to her throat and filled her eyes with tears. Running with the only idea that made sense to her, she silently asked the voice, “Schubert, is that you?”

“Nevermind…” the voice seemed to reply shyly, popping out of her head as quickly as it had appeared. Julia’s nerves were back, and she quickly forgot that strange little interchange.
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CGI Schubert, probably the most realistic rendering of him so far, by the amazing artist Hadi Karimi. See more of his work here
Julia took her place in the crook of the ornate grand piano, not one Schubert had played, but one that had been made in his time. Dr. Vancil’s wife, Nancy, sat down to accompany. Julia took a deep breath and botched her entrance. Luckily Nancy, a doctor in her own right, was able to temper her tempo to keep Julia on track. The rest of the performance went by smooth as silk in spite of only one rehearsal. Julia’s nerves kept the tone of the piece very serious, in perfect contradiction to the words, and there was great applause when they had finished. Julia’s knees threatened to give way as she bowed, an issue that had always plagued her solos. She inhaled upon rising and turned to her left where she noticed an original Schubert manuscript framed on the wall beside her. Her jaw dropped as she took out her camera.
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Not this, but I can't find my photo, which is really bumming me out!

At the moment this is how I’m beginning my novel, but it is a true story! For now I’m even keeping everyone’s real names intact. While this little story doesn’t represent the beginning of my Schubert obsession (that wouldn’t arrive until almost ten years later) it does represent the beginning of a string of bizarre Schubertian coincidences culminating in a strangely intimate relationship with Schubert’s spirit, one in which I seem to be able to feel his feelings quite independently of his music.
PictureOne of the windup heart puppets from Paper Puppet Opera's production of Winterreise
How does one feel feelings that aren’t their own? I really wish I could describe it. Maybe it will never really make sense. Believe me, I struggle with putting this out there. I know it makes me sound crazy, or at least a bit dissociated from my own brain, but it is my truth, and I can’t deny it because “talking with Franz” has improved my life in countless ways.

It’s a long story, and I don’t have the space to get into it here. That’s why I’m writing a novel. Actually, I already wrote the novel, what I’m doing now is expanding it. You can read what I put out there three years ago. It’s called Winter from Above: meditations on Winterreise with Franz Schubert, and it’s a collection of meditations on each song in the cycle, which I found helpful not only in creating the Winterreise puppet show with Paper Puppet Opera, but in helping me cope with loss, rejection, and feelings of unworthiness. Like I said, I’ve gained a lot talking to Franz, and I want others to benefit from our conversations too.
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A 1920s print of Schubert given to me by Ken Peterson. Now Franz hangs in my studio and I put words in his mouth. I said this for him at the beginning of the pandemic
Here and there I will be including some of those conversations on this blog. Today is Schubert’s birthday, so I wanted to give you a little introduction to my particular brand of weirdness regarding this adorable curly-headed bespectacled composer. While I’ve always loved his music, now I love him for so many other reasons, and for none at all. Before I started reading about him he astounded me with his wisdom through our conversations, wisdom that is very much in keeping with what he wrote in his diary. Of course we talk about music too, and he has given me many an amazing insight into his compositions and his process. I plan to talk about these things in the future as well.
That’s just your warning to run now if you can’t handle it. If you are curious, you will be rewarded with Franz’s revelations, regardless of where you think the information comes from. Happy birthday, Franz, wherever you are! And to all of you celebrating Franz blushes and says, "Oh, gosh!"

* UPDATE: now it's one year later, and the concept for my novel has changed to be a novel series. Winter From Above is the first novel in the series, but I've decided to base each book on a song cycle...as much as I can. I'm currently working on Die Schöne Müllerin, but as a metaphor for the artistic process, because both Franz and I think killing yourself over the rejection of a crush is ridiculous.
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Happy Birthday, Mozart

1/26/2021

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Happy Mozart Week, everyone! I like to celebrate composer birthdays, and my two favorites happened to be born in the same week: Mozart on January 27 and Schubert on January 31. My half birthday falls right in between on the 29th, so this gives me many reasons to celebrate. Not to mention the week is kicked off with Burns Night on the 25th, which for me just means an excuse to drink scotch and try to read Robert Burns until I get a bit of a brogue on while still having no idea what any of the words actually mean.

This year Mozart will turn 265, and a long lost piece of his, never before heard in public, will be performed in Salzburg. Luckily it’s a solo piano piece, so social distancing shouldn’t be too big an issue. You can listen to it here at 9 AM PST on January 27, but it will be available to watch until January 29.
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One of my rare abstract paintings representing the slow movement of Mozart's 7th piano concerto

​I could try to tell you why Mozart is my favorite composer, but it wouldn’t make sense. Sometimes it’s hard to put your taste into words. Let’s just say that for me a marvelous obsession with this music was kicked off with a vision followed by a dream the day after my 14th birthday. I don’t yet have the courage to talk about it in public, though it may become a scene in a future novel. Let’s just say I was in love with him. Weird? Yes, but it saved me from the horrible world of teen dating. Don’t worry, I eventually recovered and had some normal romantic relationships. Honestly, I probably should have stayed in love with Mozart.
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Eggplant girl, colored pencil on gold metallic doily. Mozart inspired, though perhaps not obvious
PictureAlso somehow Mozart inspired
​I think everyone should have a marvelous obsession. Obsessions come easily to me because I have obsessive compulsive disorder. OCD is often ridiculed as being about obsessive cleanliness and order, but really one of the main ways it is experienced is as “bad thoughts,” often of a religious, moral, or blasphemous nature, which is why it is sometimes called "scrupulosity." You can read more about the history of that here. I bring this up because, not only was that my main form of OCD, but OCD can also be harnessed in good ways. I suffered from it mainly during my childhood, but around the time I became obsessed with Mozart the symptoms mostly disappeared.

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​It was fantastic having this endless font of inspiration. I drew scenes from Mozart’s life and operas while listening to my latest find from the library, even writing and illustrating a children’s book called The Mirage of Figaro in high school. I saved money to buy complete box sets of his work bit by bit. It blows my mind that almost all of it is available on YouTube or Spotify now for free. You kids will never know the frustration of searching for an obscure piece of music followed by the joy of finding it, even if you had to shell out actual money for it.

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My painting of the 3rd movement of Mozart's 8th piano concerto
PictureOne of my first shadow puppets made for a soprano/alto version of "Vivat Bacchus" from Mozart's Abduction from the Seraglio
 While I taught myself to sing via Phantom of the Opera, like most young aspiring sopranos in the 1990s, it was this introduction to Mozart that really helped my voice grow. I could only barely read music at the time, so I learned all of Mozart’s soprano arias by ear with the help of a libretto from the library. Of course this meant I couldn’t tell the difference between what was written and what might be ornamentation or one singer’s unique interpretation, but I managed to learn them all (aside from La Clemenza di Tito) by age 17. The first aria I crammed into my brain and voice was Vedrai Carino from Don Giovanni. I didn’t have a high F yet for Queen of the Night, but I still learned her arias just in case I grew one. Eventually I did, and lost it after a few years, but I had fun with it while I could.

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Me singing Queen of the Night on a stool with Marchette DuBois on accordion. Melissa Young is waiting under my skirt on a tiny tricycle
That said, I recorded myself singing several Mozart arias on cassette tape which I entitled “A Noble Attempt for a Seventeen Year Old,” and it’s really not great listening. I next attempted a similar feat in my 20s, which was much better, but there have only been random videos of me singing Mozart since then. Here is a video of me singing an aria from his one act opera "The Impresario," which I translated and staged with Operadisiac back in 2011. I think I’ll record an all Mozart concert for you guys soon with electronic backing tracks, and with a focus on his early works. Maybe three concerts of early, middle, and late Mozart! You see, the guy still gets my brain turning.
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Puppet from my production of Mozart's Goose of Cairo
When I want to strengthen my voice in a hurry, especially if my high notes are feeling more difficult than they used to, I turn back to Mozart. When I want to focus on the technique of elegant line and expressive coloratura, I turn to Mozart. It is my hope that I will feature some of my more in depth Mozart stories and insights via this blog. For now I will leave you with just a few things.
PictureCatarina Cavalieri tied up on stage in some kinky Singspiel by the forgotten composer Ignaz Umlauf
Ten years ago I wrote this article about Catarina Cavalieri, one of the more famous sopranos in Mozart’s circle, also rumored to be Salieri’s mistress. I was attempting to write a historical fiction novel about her, but I think only certain scenes ended up being interesting, and I can just put those up on this blog.

Here you can watch the shadow puppet production I created for Mozart’s opera “The Goose of Cairo,” posted in six parts. I sing in it too:
Goose Part One
Goose Part Two
Goose Part Three
Goose Part Four
Goose Part Five
Goose Part Six
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From Goose of Cairo
I could never overestimate the influence Mozart had on my emerging artistic interests and talents, an influence unmatched until Schubert showed up, and he literally showed up. More on that in a few days. Until then, celebrate Wolfgang’s natal date with some of his favorite foods: liver dumplings and flat English beer...though cake and champagne sounds better to me.
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    Juliana Brandon

    Follow me for insights into 18th century music, bizzaro spiritual trips with Schubert, love poems, colored pencil drawings, and more

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